Controlling Outbursts at Dinner

My client’s family were sitting together at the dinner table. The kids were tired and bickering among each other and not getting settled for dinner. You can picture the scene: 

"I don’t want chicken."

"I set the table last time."

"I’m not hungry, can I just eat later?"

"Can’t I just go to my room? I have homework to do."  

Have you experienced this too?

My client had had enough and raised her voice, telling them to be more accountable for doing the things they should be doing. Like putting their shoes away, cleaning up dishes after themselves and not piling garbage on top of an already full trash can. 

She did what any modern mom would do; threaten to take away screens and send them to their rooms.

And, oh the horror comes!!

But then something interesting happened.  One of the kids said “Why do you threaten to take away our screens and send us to our rooms? You know it doesn’t work. It doesn’t make us act better.” The kid had point. These threats aren’t changing the behavior.

My client remembered a solution we talked about. If your children are a part of a decision to get a solution, they are more motivated to follow through on the plan. She asked her kids, “Well, what would work, then?”

It was crazy how many ideas they came up with: 

• Give them more chores

• Add something that needs to be done now

• Have them walk the dog twice

• Change who does the dishes that night

• Clean the car

• Make breakfast for everyone on a school morning

• Sit in the backseat

They practiced that approach right away. And you know what? She became calm and back in control as a MOM immediately! 

The kids listened. And she didn’t even have to yell. 
 

This is just one example of the work you can do to break the cycle of yelling at your kids and feeling out of control about it!